Tuesday, 24 December 2013

David's Wacky Author Interview

Interview taken from http://oldbatsbelfry.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/Interview

1) Who is your favorite comedian or cartoon character and why?

Oddly – the question that leapt out at me most was this one. It has to be Bugs Bunny. I love cartoons and greatly admire the humour and characterization behind these. Bugs is so cool and his encounters with Daffy, Elmore J Fudd (what a tremendous name!!) and Yosemite Sam are brilliant. I love the way the latter mutters and curses as he falls down an impossible cliff and then there’s the thud and small cloud of dust upon landing. I think it’s the fact he keeps going back for more and there’s always an inventive downfall waiting for him.
Then there’s the Opera one with to Ride of the Valkyries with the immortal lines, Spear and Magic Helmet. Amazing stuff. Hunt the wabbit...

2) How would you describe your sense of humor?

Troublesome. I have been particularly mean to a work colleague who shares an office. Recently I spent a while labeling anything on his desk with labels stating “This is Mine” and “Mine.” I felt a little like the cat in Red Dwarf, if folk remember that episode. My colleague was finding labelled items weeks after I did this.
My humour is spontaneous and sometimes I need to keep quiet.
I do Saxon/Viking re-enactment and I am a Saxon. At one show we were asked to introduce ourselves to the Public and so I announced that I was “Baldric, the magnificent.” A friend shouted dung-shoveller, and so from that moment on I was christened Baldric the magnificent with a chorus of dung-shoveller each time I said this.

3) What did you want to be when you grew up?

I still haven’t decided. Ask me again next week. I have never really had any great ambitions to be anything in particular and to be honest I still feel that I am yet to find my niche. Hmmm. Not sure that I’ve got this exactly right, given my age? I enjoy my work and I enjoy having hobbies.
I have been an officer in the Territorial Army in Scotland, a re-enactor, a diver, mountaineer, ice-climber and a writer. I have lots of life’s experiences and my humour keeps me going.
One day, I’d like to take on politics perhaps, mainly because politicians are so damned useless and I couldn’t possibly do any worse! Prime Minister would be good, failing that – an astronaut, but only if the transport is something like the Tardis in Dr Who or a spaceship like the Enterprise from Star Trek. Only the best for me!

4) Which magical power would you like to have and why?

Being able to stop time would be so cool. You could get out of all sorts of scrapes and into some very interesting ones. Robbing banks would be dead easy as well, so there would be a financial incentive and a clear pension plan. I can’t think of anything wrong with that ability so that’s what I would want.
Good moments could last forever. I remember sitting in a cafe in California once, on a gorgeous day with blue skies and an absolutely perfect temperature.
It would also be funny for example changing things around in the street. Turning someone around for instance and watching their reaction could be quite humorous.

5) If aliens landed in your backyard, what is the first thing you would ask them?

I’d tell them to get off the lawn for one thing. We Brits are very proud gardeners and no damn alien is going to wreck my lawn.
I might also consider whether I could charge them for parking as I live in an area where parking is a nightmare. That may explain why they picked my backyard, of course.
On a more serious note, I’d want to know about their home world. That’s an absolute must. I would hope that it matched one of the worlds in novels that I have read, such as Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs. It would have to be a place of great adventure.

6) What would you do if you had a time machine?

That would be a great dream, and where to start? I’d go back in time and win the lottery to secure my future. I’d also tell my younger self to write earlier on. I would have to see dinosaurs, Rome in antiquity, the building of the Pyramids, Stonehenge, my ancestors in those periods, Moses at the crossing of the Red Sea... There’s far too much to contemplate.
I’d also go forward in time to see the technology of the future, steal it and bring back here to further amass my fortune. (I’m not shallow.) I’d probably live part time in the past and the future. Seeing the world unspoilt by man would also be amazing.

7) If you had a chance to spend some time with one mythical being, what would it be and why?

Meeting a fairy would be good. At least that would be small and inconspicuous. I think talking to a mythical being may get you arrested otherwise.
A genie would be high on the list. I’d ask for as many wishes as I wanted, although that might be a bit dangerous if I talked in my sleep.
Father Christmas would be jolly, but I may be on his naughty list, so again that may be disappointing. Back to the fairy, I think. Just so I could prove mythical creatures existed, even if it was just for my edification. I’d call her Tinkerbelle of course.

8) If you could be reincarnated as an animal, what would you be and why?

A bird.
I considered being a dolphin as I like swimming, but I don’t like eating fish.
Being a bird and able to fly would be fantastic. Flying looks like so much fun.
I keep coming back to being a dolphin though as I also like swimming. A flying dolphin! It’s that or nothing!! It would also have to be somewhere warm, with clear blue seas. The fish would have to be cooked for me though. I think raw fish would be even worse than just fish. And no messy bones.

9.) What quirky habit do you have that often gets you teased by your peers or family?

I got teased a lot because of my re-enactment and often teased about wearing a dress. We don’t wear dresses of course, but a Saxon tunic could be mistaken for a dress. Don’t ever tell me that though, as I get very uppity!
I made matters worse once when I mentioned dyes were few and came from vegetables or tree barks and that I had a tunic that was a sort of shade of...pink. Well that went down a treat and wearing a pink dress at weekends was a real source of amusement.
I denied everything of course and insisted that the tunic was fuchsia. For some reason that didn’t get me off the hook, but every time someone mention a pink dress I would insist...fuchsia. At the time of the Saxons, pink was perfectly acceptable, as too was the man’s name Mildred!!

10.) My readers want to know what you had for breakfast. Not sure why exactly...

A strange request, but what the hell...it could be worse. Breakfast this morning was a pain au raisin with coffee - a bit of a weekend treat. I like it as it sounds pretentious – pain au raisin. On a workday it’s porridge. Far less pretentious.

11.) Why in the world did you consent to doing this wacky interview? I mean there is not one question here about your books, your writing or your future plans!

Hey, I did say I had a sense of humour and I love quirky questions. Being silly is a good way of passing the time. I have done strange things at times and sometimes it is humour that keeps you going.
I ice-climbed Ben Nevis, blinked at the wrong time and whilst hanging on with an ice axe with one hand, I found the lens frozen to the ice with small ice grains blowing past it. I managed to get the lens back in, much to a friend’s amusement.
The wacky and insane is part of life, I guess.

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